Terrible Horror Awaits or You Should’ve Invested In Gold Futures

While being remaining nihilistic about essentially everything does have its drawbacks, it does allow me the safe protective shield of cynicism when nerds begin splooging in their pants about some retarded black metal band which is considered innovative because they happen to incorporate pan flutes into their most recent album.

Behold the horrors of the Zamfir nexus!  An endless cycle of pan flute hell repeated ad infinitum!

Ok, so I miss out on one or two bands who may be worth investigating, but I say that if it prevents me from listening to a million Guns & Roses clones, then it’s worth it.  If listening to a million random bands on the internet has taught me nothing else, it’s that most bands are terrible and should cease releasing records at once.  Especially those in the underground.

I have noticed that there is this perception among “music snobs”, that “the underground” has better music than “the mainstream” which they will gladly “tell you about” while “overusing” “air quotes”.  Yet, it only takes a few listens to the countless “digital eps” released on “netlabels” (i.e.: blogs with archive.org accounts) to realize that “the underground” is just as full of shit as “the mainstream”.  Sure, it might be a different kind of shit – greenish-yellow, full of nuts, and squirting out your ass as though it were a firehose – but shit is shit, regardless of consistency.

Despite your choice of music, be it underground, mainstream, or mindie, there will always be something out there to hate.  From the dregs of Jamendo to the heights of Warner Brothers records, generic music pervades every genre.  Yet, it should be said, truly terrible bands are not quite as common as one would think with most opting for the slightly less offensive “unmemorably bland”.

Typical Brokencyde fan or brilliant satire?  The line is too thin.

Still, they aren’t impossible to find.

In my opinion, being generic is almost worse than being outright terrible.  It smacks of laziness.  Why bother even trying to create something new?  It’s much easier to grasp the low-hanging fruit of the music industry!

Anyway, repetition of thoughts, chord progressions, and whatnot  is because music, for the most part, generally relies on regurgitation.  From Led Zeppelin…whoops.  I meant “borrowing ideas”, not “blatant fucking plagiarism”.  This in of itself is not necessarily a horrible thing.  Most, if not all art, just involves puking up the same shit that’s been puked up a hundred times by a hundred different assholes.

Subtle metaphor for the art world.

Ultimately, it’s not very challenging.  Good art, in my opinion, should be a challenge, not simply for the audience, but also the artist.  Artists should always strive to become better than they are, but there seems to me, to be a fear from a lot of artists to even attempt to try new things.  Say perhaps you are a iconic, yet underwhelmingly generic act, there’s literally an expectation of artistic stagnation.  Because if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it!  Also, if you change, we will crucify you.

It’s really this fear that seems to prevent some artists from moving forward.  Why take the risk alienating your well-established gravy train, I mean, audience?

Sage advice from a dog.

Fear and opposition should never be how an artist defines themselves.  Sure, not every idea will work together perfectly, but how are you going to know what works if you never even try?  Sure, throwing a washboard-and-kazoo solo into your prog rock masterpiece might sound stupid, but it might be the best thing since deep fried Mars bars – something I’m sure also sounded really stupid at first too, but fuck you, they’re awesome.

Don’t get me wrong.  I feel that in the end, it’s far more important for all bands to have a foundation of good, solid songs whether you’re a noise band like Wolf Eyes or Bob Dylan.  And too much or improperly executed experimentation can also detract.  But trying and failing on your own merits is ultimately far more admirable than succeeding off the work of others.

Love,
Aaron