RVW: Nails. Abandon All Life.

what do i have to look forward 2 these days?

i sit alone in a darkened room

spinning in a spinny chair waiting for death to encroach

the…hopelessness…despair…anguish…

gassiness…

aRE we not Impressed??????????????

There are just about only 2 bands i care about these days:

1) death grips

2) nails

And to me, DG & nails are almost 2 sides of the same coin.

Both are putting out some of the most extreme, unhinged music of our time.

Death Grips does it with 808s, synths & Zach Hill.

Nails does it with guitars.

Same dif.

So for me, a new album from either group is a big deal.

I don’t look forward to much these days since my wife Diane died in that horrible barn fire

When I first heard nails had a new album I just about shit my pants on the spot

thank god for adult diapers

when i got the news i lost my mind and wound up driving my car through a mall

fortunately for me, my car was stopped by a pile of cardigans at the gap kids

try telling that to the judge though

fucknig fascist

now i have to spend 300 hours “giving back to the community”

doesn’t he know what i’m going through?????????????????????????????

whatever.

so nails’ new album is coming out and that’s something we should all be very excited about

it’s good.

no…it’s damn good

it’s 3 out of 5 good

it’s definitely different from “unsilent death” though

it still feels like NAILS

songs are intense, violent thrusts hammering down onto your chest

the vocals are indecipherable

(as they should be)

lyrics…i don’t really care what the lyrics are

it is still an exercise in extremity

the production is clearer

but “unsilent death” was clearer than “obscene humanity”

so that doesn’t mean fucking much

at least now you can actually make out actual notes in the songs

the sound overall is still punishing

i’m about to say something “controversial” here

the punishing sound of “nails” has less to do with the guitar tone and far more to do with the drums

and to be honest, after spending few hours with abandon all life

i now kind of…prefer…the…sound…of…earlier…nails…albums

come at me, h8rs

to me, it feels like there’s a definite “sterileness” to the recording that you get from a lot of shitty djent bands who protool everything

dear lord what have u done 2 us kurt ballou????

that sounds bad i know

good thing this is nails though

so we still get a recording that does not sound like robots

more importantly the drums sound like drums

overall i feel this is gonna be the album where nails is gonna start losing fans

there’s a marked difference in sound

shitty production aside

maybe it’s me, but there’s more…i don’t know…grindcore influence overall?

i would have never called nails a “powerviolence” band to begin with

but there’s even less of that noweven the “hardcore” influence is dropping off

it seems like with songs like “god’s cold hands” there’s a definite effort to “build songs”

i can really see a lot of people being turned off once they begin digging into this album

the last track even breaks 5 minutes, guys

what is going on, todd jones??????

regardless of genres, abandon all life is still an excellent listen

and as meaty as this delicious sandwich

The Banh Mi available from Big Lou’s Butcher Shop | 269 Powell Street, Vancouver, BC, Canada | 604-566-9229 | @biglousbutcher

REVIEW: ThE BRONX IV

Hey guys! The Bronx Is Back!

Have u heard this shit b-4, guys?

Of course you have.

Because The Bronxxx Is Back And Bronxier Than Ever.

How do people even write reviews of new Bronx albums? I don’t know how they do it.

Let’s think of some adjectives and then see what works.

“Reliable.” “Workhorse.” “Even Steven”

Ok that’s enough.

You know the drill.

The Bronx “4″ gets my lowest rating ever, 3 out of 5.

I dunno. Can I really fault a band for putting out samey albums?

There are actually a lot of things to like about The Bronx.

For a “rock band” with “hardcore punk” tendencies, their vocalist is surprisingly “good”.

Matt Caughthran is probably one of the few people who’ve adapted things like this

and applied them to things like this

The rest of the band is very tight.

As Usual.

The production is free of shitty modern techniques.

The instruments sound like instruments.

The drummer does not sound like he is playing a Kaoss Pad.

Everything’s good so far but stop me if you’ve heard this one before.

Bombastic opener followed by severe decline in returns.

Mid tempo and unmemorable.

You sit there, nodding your head while you listen to the songs. Then the next song kicks in.

What happened? Where did it go?

What happened to the time????

This happens to alien abductees.

They call it “Fugue State”.

You think as hard as you can, but you simply cannot recall what you’ve been doing.

Weren’t you just listening to the New Bronx Album? You remember putting it on and then…

So you start the album over again and again. Each time, details are clearer, but still nothing sticks out except for a blurry “rock experience”.

Perhaps that is The Bronxes plan.

They want you to understand what it’s like to spend all night doing coke with Guns & Roses.

Yeah, yeah. That’s it.

“The Bronx 4 Is Like Spending All Night Doing Coke With Guns & Roses”

There’s a quote for you guys if you wanna put it on your album.

So really, it’s not a bad album. Nothing about The Bronx 4 is necessarily bad.

It just feels like it’s not as good as it probably should be.

All the qualities of a good album are there.

But something’s missing. Something’s been compromised.

Like they’re pulling their punches.

Maybe I’m just imagining things. And I’m not accusing The Bronx of “selling out”.

But I just say “whatever” a lot when this album comes on.

Nodding along to “Style Over Everything”, saying “whatever, man.”

“Whatever.”

Love,
Aaron

Ad Supported Music

ladies and gentlemen, we are at a crossroads in the music industry. paying for recorded music at the consumer level is dead. while you have niche users who will pay for records, cds, tapes, 8 tracks, etc, the vast majority of music consumption (in my humble opinion) has moved into the digital realm. and while the cost of distribution has reached near zero-levels, the often significant costs associated with making an album are still present, despite changes to the recording process. given dwindling revenues for artists in the independent scene, a paradigm change is necessary to happen.

when moby released “play” in whatever year he released it, he made a conscious decision to license every song from that album. but licensing can net you only so much money and is wholly dependent upon other creative industries. ladies and gentlemen, what i propose is a revolutionary shift in the way music is produced.

scion – http://www.scionav.com/index – has currently been leading the charge, helping produce releases for such fine artists as revocation, the gates of slumber, and basically anyone who is buzzworthy. they have even gone so far as to produce entire festivals based around x-genre of music. perhaps you have been invited to play. perhaps you have not. the lineups involved have simply been astonishing, attracting such underground luminaries as converge, neurosis, oxbow, merzbow, psychic tv, among others. also hunx & his punx but they are shit.

why more companies have not endeavored to appeal to the niche market of smelly, unwashed hipsters & metalheads is simply incomprehensible. by building that bridge of trust with the tastemakers of today, they serve to create an umbrella of trust to protect from the rain of…dis…trust.

consider for a moment your buying power. you are likely gainfully employed, with an income between 40 and $60,000 yearly. likely reaching upper levels of $100k and lows of 20. you are in the appropriate age range most marketers wish to reach, but never do. their brand impact is limited with you. why? because they never attempt to appeal to create marketing which appeals to YOU. yes, you. and you as well. and you with the glasses and beard. how many records is that you are holding? 20? yes. 20.

scion, in my opinion, is providing an excellent service. allowing for both free music and helping to create high quality releases such as revocation’s “teratogenesis” http://www.scionav.com/index#!collection/1083/Revocation—Teratogenesis and magrudergrind’s “crusher” http://www.scionav.com/index#!collection/315. some people may balk at the idea of having their album paid for by a car company, but is it truly so different than the current atmosphere? perhaps you slap a SONY Records stamp on your album. perhaps you stamp a SCION AV on your album. perhaps it is all the same. does it matter where the money comes from when it comes from a corporation?

music licensing crosses an even stranger line. perhaps you are an independent artist and you are approached to use one of your songs in a commercial. depending on the impactfulness of an advertising campaign, that song will forever be associated with that product. even now, i can no longer listen to “who’s that lady” by the isley brothers without instantly thinking of swiffer. or the “YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH” in the who’s “won’t get fooled again” without associating that with david caruso putting on sunglasses. but most artists are overjoyed when approached by a corporation in this fashion and will gladly sign over their artistic integrity if asked nicely by polaroid (see: metric).

so why draw the line there? why draw the line anywhere? why make that distinction? the line between consumer and producer is so thin as to simply be non-existent. many artists strive to make a living for themselves doing what they love – making music. many people would do whatever it takes.

which brings me to my question: why can an album itself not be ad supported? now, i’m not talking about radio, where the station itself receives money from advertisers & pays out royalties. what i am referring to is the direct production of music through the payment of advertising monies. now i’m not referring specifically to writing songs for pepsi, (although that’s worked out quite well for beyonce & michael jackson), so much as i am referring to having corporations pay you, the content producer to advertise on your album in the form of commercials.

it sounds stupid, i know, but when you consider the other advertising associations the music industry is going through today, it simply makes sense. to me, it is the logical end for an advertiser – an ad which will exist in perpetuity. the advertisement could be relatively low-cost in comparison to other advertising avenues, and unlike advertising which is paid out on a per-view basis, a flat fee could be afforded.

i can hear many of you poo pooing the idea already, but what if adverts were not simply limited to poopsi or coke? what if your favourite guitar company wanted to give you CASH MONEY? or perhaps someone else who is more relevant to your demographic? what if the advertiser did not dictate terms to you? would it still sound completely stupid and unreasonable?

as i said before, i can only imagine that this is the logical end of advertising in music. while product placement is prevalent in both movies & music, actual truthful advertising is not. and is it not better to be told you’re being sold something rather than have it stuck in there subliminally?

21st Century Branding Techniques To Optimize Your Market Share

Hey.
Hey bro.
Over here.
*u turn your head around*
*it is a marketing bro*
*puka shell necklace, backwards hat, briefcase, dress shorts & crisp Jack Johnson t-shirt*
*he opens up the briefcase, pulls out 2 Natty Ice & hands one to u*
Bro I hate to bring it up *he smiles* but have u considered optimizing yr brand for the 21st century?
*you stare blankly at his face as it begins to pixelate and distort slowly*
I actually did some market research at the Dave Matthews show last night
*his body twists and contorts*
I hate to say it bro but I’m afraid your brand isn’t impactful in the least and you are hardly making a dent on the 18 to 34 demographic.
*he takes a drink of Natty Ice and begins to inflate, floating into the air*
Most bros find your brand lacks the necessary marketing strategy to appeal to them
*he floats above the building, splitting in half, dividing into two separate bros. Their voices echo above the skyscrapers.*
Have u even considered what your market share is?
*their voices cause the earth beneath you to tremble and crack*
Without an effective strategy, how can you expect to capitalize?
*Great spires of rock thrust out of the ground. You leap to the side to dodge them.*
You need to develop your appeal if you hope to ever achieve true growth.
*The word “bros” causes a violent tremor beneath the sea 10,000 miles away, creating a Tsunami which devours Thailand whole.*
Social Networking.
*The White House explodes in a ball of flame.*
Marketing Solutions.
*Great tentacles slither out of the oceans, sparing none they touch.*
Search Engine Optimization
*A great roar is heard. The sky darkens as billions of inhuman creatures with bat wings choke out the sun, devouring men, women & children all around the world.*
Expand your brand
*his voice trails off, echoing softly as he tears his own body to pieces*
Take my card. Call me.
*a business card floats down fron the sky and lands at your feet. You pick it up. It is blank, save the smiling face of death.*

-Aaron

Smashing Pumpkins vs. Vision of Disorder

The ongoing Smashing Pumpkins/Vision of Disorder beef recently heated up earlier this evening as Billy Corgan shot back at Vision of Disorder regarding their #smashingblumpkins tag on twitter.

“Smashing Blumpkins??? Like that’s so fucking clever.” Corgan responded with severe balding agitation to TMZ . “I can do that too, Vision of Disorder. Or should I say, Vision of DIS-OLDER. Or maybe Blindness of Disorder. No, Vision of Dis-older’s good because they’re all pushing 40.” Corgan then revealed two gold plated handguns and remarked, “Shit’s gonna go down like Biggie & Tupac. I’m gonna make it “BLOODSIMPLE” for Tim Williams. DIG???“

Tim Williams could not be reached for comment.

Update:

The band has just released this statement in response to Billy Corgan’s scathing remarks

“just an FYI- Corgan’s fans are the Brown Submarines- he also coaches a team in Pete Townsend’s #fantasypinball of the same name. ps FYI-a Blumpkin from Corgan doesn’t end til he pushes you off the toilet looks at your doodie & jerks off #smashingblumpkins.” – Tim Williams (probably)

rvw: “Powerful Animals & Suppressed Memories” by Elephant Eats the Profits

swag swag swag

i got dat justin bieber swag

how do u judge an album like this?

probably the “most jewish”

he’s no mc paul barman i guess

ok “second most jewish”

who is this person??? what do we know about him?

how many drivebys has this guy been involved with????

do rappers “drive-by” anymore?

rick ross gets out of his escalade and beats up his accountant

“bitch y’all cost me 32 grand on my tax return” he shouts

his voice reverberates in the caveman skull

shattering his teeth

is this in the vein of comedy rap?????

is #kawaiicrew relevant as a movement?????

how do we interpret this????

should i offer a “serious opinion” on the matter??????

ok

“talented rapper meets shitty microphone and crappy recording techniques

do not take this seriously”

jokeman rap

maybe that’s not such a bad thing doe

lots of rappers take themselves way too seriously

better to be yrself than something you’re not

careful tho. you can go too far.

i feel like i’m on the verge of experiencing something great

like hearing 50 cent before he founded FUBU

a good start but not quite there

but i’m definitely looking forward to hearing what’s next

a solid 3 out of 5

love,
aaron

listen/download: http://elephanteatstheprofitz.bandcamp.com/

blastin dat chief keef at 220 decibels LEMME HEAR U SAY HEARING DAMAGE

“i don’t like” by chief keef

wow guys

just wow

this. is. amazing.

i’m rly struggling 2 hate this

every part of me says this is awful

but i just feel this

u know?????

maybe it’s the undercurrent of homosexuality throbbing through the whole thing

is this what under 30 dudes do in their spare time?

u hang around with many bros

get high, get shirtless & rap about things the same 4 things u don’t like

“hey bro i don’t like shirts let’s take ‘em off. also i don’t like pants either.”

wow this rly takes me back.

sounding like post-2000 era hip hop

videos directed by benny boom

remember ja rule??????

million dollar budgets

girls in booty shorts shakin their asses

ofc the beat here is more “epic”

similar 2 “rick ross”

yeah

push it to the limit

get hype

hyphy pizza: 30 minutes or it’s freek’d

u would think 5 minutes of the same lyrics & repetitious beat would be enough

but damn if i don’t just hit the replay button

5 minutes of music that sounds like build-up 2 an ultimate rap-fest

y’all know the build up is the best part of the song tho

the greatest part of this jam is how simple the lyrics are

say you wanted to do a cover

you could just rap about anything you don’t like

no one would know the difference

just keep it in thyme with the beat

“WHAT’S THAT SHIT I DON’T LIKE

BANDWIDTH CAPS I DON’T LIKE

SOMEONE NOT FEEDIN CATS I DON’T LIKE

MAKIN FUN OF WU-TANG CLAN I DON’T LIKE

ONIONS ON MY PIZZA I DON’T LIKE

I DON’T LIKE I DON’T LIKE”

hit me up chief keef

i got my “rap degree”

master’s of “rap” with a minor in women’s studies.